novelbin Chapter 146: Running From Fear (1)
Chapter 146: Running From Fear (1)
"If you try placing your hand on too many things at once... you’ll end up losing all of them."
Luna spoke with her crimson eyes closed as she let out a faint sigh.
On the other hand, Ethan smiled while looking into those same scarlet eyes that mirrored his own.
"And yet you’ll still help me despite saying that, won’t you?"
"I truly don’t know where you get all this confidence from, Ethan Heart..." Luna replied before handing him the bundle of scrolls she had been writing for quite some time.
Ethan accepted them from her hands and glanced through them curiously.
"What’s this?"
The talented witch answered calmly.
"Magic spells from the four basic elements. All of them are low-tier."
She deliberately avoided meeting his gaze.
"Since you’re still a beginner in magic, these are the highest-level spells you can safely attempt for now."
As Ethan flipped through the scrolls one after another, he found every basic branch of elemental magic alongside the incantations required to cast them.
Low-tier fire spells.
Wind.
Water.
Earth.
Only the fundamental elements.
Because compound elements like ice required far deeper understanding and control.
Luna’s explanations were incredibly detailed.
Within those few scrolls, she had written countless notes, warnings, and the common mistakes beginner mages often made.
’How many hours did she spend writing all of this...?’
Ethan wondered honestly, genuinely surprised by the amount of effort Luna had put in for his sake.
"Do you have something you want to say?"
Luna broke the silence after Ethan spent far too long staring blankly at the scrolls.
He lifted his gaze toward her.
"I wanted to thank you. I honestly didn’t expect you to go this far for me..."
He paused briefly before continuing with a faint smile.
"If the others saw this, they might start thinking you actually—"
"Stop."
Luna cut him off instantly before he could finish.
"Don’t start creating ridiculous ideas inside your head. I don’t feel anything special toward you."
"I agreed to teach you magic, and I intend to take it seriously."
"That’s all."
She sounded completely serious.
Her expression turned cold and firm while her sharp crimson eyes carried unmistakable resolve.
Somehow...
She looked genuinely terrifying for a moment.
Enough to make Ethan recall several unpleasant memories.
’Right...’
’I almost forgot this is the same crazy girl who attacked me three separate times.’
The two stared at one another seriously for several seconds before Ethan was the first to back down, smiling lightly to ease the atmosphere.
"There’s no need to worry."
"My mind wasn’t creating any strange ideas."
He spoke casually before adding after several long seconds of silence—
"Because I don’t believe in love."
The moment those words left his mouth, the atmosphere between them changed instantly.
Luna’s face shifted completely, losing all traces of the cold expression she wore moments ago.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Ethan asked with a frown after seeing a reaction from Luna he almost never witnessed.
She looked at him as though she had just discovered some new species of idiot.
"You just said something incredibly pathetic."
"How exactly do you expect me to react?"
Soon, a mocking smile formed on Luna’s face before she genuinely laughed.
"You don’t believe in love?"
"Why?"
"Did some girl trick you and break your heart or something?"
Luna mocked him openly.
But Ethan’s expression completely froze.
She had struck the truth directly.
"...Wait."
"You’re serious?"
Luna’s brows furrowed in genuine surprise after seeing his reaction.
"Oho..."
"That’s unexpected."
"So even a womanizer like you can get deceived."
Luna laughed softly while Ethan quietly looked away.
"I came here to learn magic."
"Not talk about this nonsense."
"Too late."
"The cat’s already out of the bag~" Luna leaned closer, suddenly showing genuine curiosity.
"So?"
"Who was the girl that shattered your heart?"
"Do I know her?"
"Piss off..." Ethan moved away from her, refusing to continue the conversation.
But his mood had already darkened completely after certain unpleasant memories resurfaced inside his mind.
’I was naïve...’
’Stupid.’
’No... the stupidest person imaginable.’
Ethan remembered the first relationship he had ever experienced in his life.
The first...
And the last.
It dated back to the period after his father threw him out of the house following his remarriage to another woman after the death of Ethan’s mother.
Back then, Ethan wandered the streets alone with nothing except the money his mother had left behind before her death.
It was a fairly large amount.
Enough to save his life if used properly.
But that never happened.
Because he met a girl.
’Back then, while I was drowning inside a swamp of despair and darkness...’
’She looked like an angel descending from heaven.’
His miserable state—
And the fact she was the first woman to ever approach him intimately ...
Left Ethan intoxicated by those emotions.
First love, as people called it.
’Even now... I still see her ghost wandering around me.’
’She comes together with all the other things that make my insomnia worse.’
At the time Ethan desperately needed the warmth of human connection—
She appeared.
Then slowly drained everything from him while forcing him to live inside an illusion.
An illusion that shattered the moment the money left behind by his mother finally ran out.
The instant he became broke and could no longer satisfy her endless demands—
She abandoned him without hesitation.
And mocked him afterward.
Calling him pathetic.
A loser.
Someone easy to manipulate.
’It’s better to cut those feelings away completely...’
’Than allow myself to be deceived again.’
Ethan’s thoughts echoed silently within his mind while avoiding Luna’s curious gaze.
Eventually, Luna gave up after realizing just how unwilling he was to discuss that miserable past.
"I feel like I’m seeing a completely new side of you right now."
She spoke softly.
Ethan answered immediately with self-mockery.
"A pathetic side, you mean?"
Hearing that, Luna shook her head lightly before smiling faintly.
"Don’t be too harsh on yourself."
"Every one of us has a pathetic side."
"And that isn’t necessarily a bad thing."
She said before lifting her eyes toward the artificial sky of Old Ashvarn above them.
"I think that side of you..."
"...is what makes you human."
"And do I seem like some kind of demon to you?" Ethan replied mockingly.
Yet to his surprise, Luna nodded.
"Yes."
"I think that description suits you quite well."
She answered with a cold smile.
"You always come up with solutions for every problem we face despite not being the strongest among us..."
"You endure training nobody else can withstand..."
"And even when everyone else falls into despair and fear..."
"You never seem affected at all."
"Almost as if you don’t have emotions."
"That isn’t normal."
Ethan listened silently while staring at her before eventually looking away.
"Fear...?"
He repeated the word quietly, as though contemplating its meaning itself.
"You may think I’m emotionless..."
"But I’m afraid."
"More afraid than anyone else."
"I’m afraid of dying without meaning... without purpose... without achieving anything."
Ethan spoke in a heavy tone, his eyes carrying a distant look.